Hello Ladies! Ever notice that when your partner is sharing a story, or something important to him, that you tend to interrupt him? Ask him questions? Sort of take the conversation in your own direction??? Well, if you do, it's okay; it’s just your own anxiety about what he’s telling you.
Next time, try silently calming yourself and simply listening to him in an engaged manner. If you find a moment; add something like, Wow, what a jerk! Or, I’m sooo sorry, that sucks, or well you did the best you could.
These are the kinds of things your partner wants to hear. He needs your interest, your empathy, and your support. Not your anxiety…
Try this next time your partner comes to share something important with you and see how he responds to your new style of communicating.
If you still find that you want to speak with your partner about the topic; you can always address it later at a more appropriate time. Use your “I Statements”, which I refer to in an earlier blog entitled, Sunday Morning Communication, when approaching your partner. He will be more open to what you are saying.
It is your partner’s responsibility to respond appropriately to your comments. You will get answers for your concerns and yet communication is open. Notice how everyone’s needs are met.
Check in next time to read, What Behaviors Work Best for Men, when Their Partner Shares with them…
If you decide to try one of my techniques please share your story! If you’re struggling in your communication with your partner, share that too!
More communication tips to come…
No offense intended in the use of him throughout the article. It is merely to keep the clarity of the piece; and absolutely applies to either gender.
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What if he doesn't use the new style of communication in return?
ReplyDeleteGood question! You can teach him how to listen to you by role modeling it when he speaks to you. Be the leader in your relationship for communication! When he feels the respect and support from you, he will probably want to give it back to you. If not, try telling him kindly, yet directly what you need from him when you share something with him.
ReplyDeleteUse your "I"Statements. I feel... When you... I need for you to...
Today I will post" How to Listen to Your Woman". See if you can get your partner to read today's blog! Good luck!
If he still won't change his style of communication, you just may have to tell him that you won't be sharing with him, until he learns to listen in a way that meets your needs!Hopefully, that's not a good thing for him!
ReplyDeleteContinue listening to him in an appropriate manner. It may take some time, but I think he'll come around!
A lot of times, I find that the men in my life listen to what I am saying, but only respond with ways that I can "fix" the situation when all I want them to do is listen. Is there a way to ask them to just listen and just allow me to vent without jumping in with a quick fix without sounding rude?
ReplyDeleteMy mate states that l don't listen to him. Which is true. If he tells me to do something, l will do the total opposite. I love my man with all my heart. We have been together for two years. We have known each since the sixth grade.We have a child together, Plus my two children and his three children. He is the first man that has been there for me and my children from day one. I don't want to lose my man. I don't know why l don't listen to him. Its not that l don't want to. Maybe you can help me.
ReplyDelete