Ilissa Banhazl MFT - Marriage and Family Therapy, Glendora, CA

Meet Ilissa

Martha Beck Rescues You from Holiday Houseguest Hell

Are you having company this holiday season? This article is for you!

Ilissa

'Tis the season for inviting people over, which can lead to disaster. Avoid the anxiety—and broken china—with this three-step self-preservation plan.

This time of year, it's inevitable. Friends and family will be stopping by or—worse—staying over. Yes, I know you're supposed to feel jolly about welcoming in every relative looking for a bit of holiday cheer, but, if you're like me, you're more likely to experience some confusion, faintness, even a little nausea. Read More...

Tonight-Talk Therapy W/ Ilissa at www.ksgvradio.com

Biggest Mistakes Men Make When Dating! Special Guest: Dan Mc Getrick, MFT and Hypnotherapy. Answering Calls and Emails!
December 16, 2010 at 7pm, www.ksgvradio.com

Avoiding the Holiday Spread

Yes, the holidays are upon us and we're all wondering how we are going to get through without gaining weight. Read on, this article may have the answers you're looking for... Ilissa

Ahhh, the good cheer, the family gatherings, the gift giving—and the extra pound or two that appears just in time for New Year's. Suzette Glasner-Edwards's "assertive dieting" techniques will help you survive the season with no pain and, best of all, no gain. Read More...

Listen Tonight, Talk Therapy w/ Ilissa, MFT

December 9th at 7pm at www.ksgvradio.com
Biggest Dating Mistakes Women Make with Special Guest: Dr. Stuart Rubin,
Cosmetic and General Dentistry. Ilissa answers your emails!

What Men Aren't Telling Us

If you are involved with a man or if you ARE a man you should read this!

Ilissa

That women are mysterious and unknowable is something every young man grows up believing. Men, on the other hand, never think of themselves as mysterious or confusing, and we are often at a loss as to why women want to figure us out. But since you asked: Read More>>>

Listen Live Tonight to Talk Therapy w/ Ilissa, MFT 7pm

How to Cope with Holiday Stress
Blue Chair Books: Holiday Books and Crafts.
Ilissa answers your questions @ www.ksgvradio.com
November 18, 2010 7pm

Stress, Depression and the Holidays: 10 Tips for Coping

Time is running out! The holidays are almost here! If you're like most people you're beginning to feel a little stressed out. Here are some ideas to help you to get through the stressful holidays in one piece!

Ilissa

Stress and depression can ruin your holidays and hurt your health. Being realistic, planning ahead and seeking support can help ward off stress and depression.
By Mayo Clinic staff

The holiday season, which begins for most Americans with Thanksgiving and continues through New Year's Day, often brings unwelcome guests — stress and depression. And it's no wonder. In an effort to pull off a perfect holiday, you might find yourself facing a dizzying array of demands — parties, shopping, baking, cleaning and entertaining, to name a few. So much for peace and joy, right?

Actually, with some practical tips, you can minimize the stress and depression that often accompany the holidays. You may even end up enjoying the holidays more than you thought you would. Read More...

Tonight 7pm Listen Live to Talk Therapy w/ Ilissa

It's Not Easy Being a Single Parent!
Special Guest: Kathy Benton, Stepping Stones for Women and their Children
Ilissa answers your calls and emails!
November 11,2010 7pm www.ksgvradio.com

How Sex Is Like Pizza...

Today's man can virtually MapQuest the G-spot. But who's got directions to the male un-zip code? To help us find our way, Drew Pinsky, MD, agreed to answer a few blunt questions. Better known as Dr. Drew, this straight-shooting cohost of Loveline, a two-hour radio show on sex and relationships, has spent 18 years with his sidekick, Adam Carolla, advising callers in all matters of romance.

For men, what's the difference between okay sex and great sex? Read More>>>

Ilissa Banhazl, Marriage and Family Therapist

“What a man is looking for is the reciprocal experience of desire.”
— Mark Epstein, MD
Look out for my next blog on Men and Intimacy

Tonight on Talk Therapy W/ Ilissa at www.ksgvradio.com

Girl Talk with Brenda and Ilissa
Single After 30?
How to Find the Right Partner!
Ilissa answers your questions!
7pm www.ksgvradio.com November 4, 2010

Managing Election Anxiety

Are you feeling anxious about the coming election?
Ilissa Banhazl, MFT

Two of my closest friends aren't speaking. Since the summer, neither can be in the same room the other; it's like putting two pit bulls in the same cage. What caused their falling out? Was it money, job conflicts or a bad relationship? Nope, blame politics. One strongly believes Washington needs a change and the other thinks we should put a maverick in the White House. It's gotten so tense, no one wants to be around them.

Political experts say this is one of the most passionate presidential races in modern history. Read More>>>

Science Works to Conquer Junk Food Cravings

Is there ANYONE who cannot relate to this article???
Ilissa Banhazl, MFT

Like a pesky piece of gum on the bottom of your shoe, you can count on cravings sticking around for a while. And women struggle with cravings even more than their husbands or boyfriends, thanks to hormonal changes that occur around the menstrual cycle and during pregnancy. But there is hope! Use this advice from Bob Greene and TheBestLife.com to conquer your cravings for good.

Obviously, junk food cravings wouldn't be a problem if we craved healthy fare like produce, or if the answer to withstanding temptations was as simple as willpower. Unfortunately, cravings are a little more complicated than that.

First, there's a physiological component, suggests research from Brian Wansink, Ph.D., author of Mindless Eating. Read more>>>

Science Works to Conquer Junk Food Cravings

Is there ANYONE who cannot relate to this article???
Ilissa

Like a pesky piece of gum on the bottom of your shoe, you can count on cravings sticking around for a while. And women struggle with cravings even more than their husbands or boyfriends, thanks to hormonal changes that occur around the menstrual cycle and during pregnancy. But there is hope! Use this advice from Bob Greene and TheBestLife.com to conquer your cravings for good.

Obviously, junk food cravings wouldn't be a problem if we craved healthy fare like produce, or if the answer to withstanding temptations was as simple as willpower. Unfortunately, cravings are a little more complicated than that.

First, there's a physiological component, suggests research from Brian Wansink, Ph.D., author of Mindless Eating.Read more>>>

Men and Women Talk!

Why do men fear disagreeing with their wives or partners? I’m sorry; I know the word fear is not a favorite term for men to identify with. But, I do see it over and over again in my office. Men need to stop trying to figure out what they think their partner wants them to say and instead say what they really think.

First off to men's credit, women need to speak calmly and respectfully to their husbands/partners when they disagree with them. However, men need to tolerate some emotion.

Guys don't shut down! Tell your truth in a calm respectful way and then wait to see if you get a respectful response back. If not, your done, respectfully so. Be gentle. Your partner is acting out of emotion right now. No need for yelling. Ask for a time-out. When you try again start with something like, “That didn’t go very well did it?” Humor at no one’s expense is always a good icebreaker.

Simply, men and women speak your truth in a calm and effective manner. Calm yourselves before you speak. This new style of communicating will encourage other positive interactions.

Ilissa Banhazl, MFT www.ilissabanhazlmft.com

Comments are welcome: "Let me know if you try this and please tell me if something changes."

Listen to Talk Therapy w/ Ilissa at www.ksgvradio.com

Counseling for Older Adults
Special guest Deborah Dozal, of the La Fetra Senior Center.
Valentines Month Ends with "How to Create Intimacy”...
Answering your emails!
Listen Thursday October 21st at 7pm at www.ksgvradio.com

How to Get 7 More Hours into Your Day

I think many women even men can relate to this article. I too, am trying to simplify my life so that I can accomplish things and still find time to smell the roses...
Ilissa

For the overscheduled, under-rested average American female, experts swear there are ways to make more time for yourself. Here are some strategies to try:

Handle things once (saves 15 to 20 minutes). When it comes to e-mail, voice mail, or paperwork, take instant action—i.e., read, answer, delete, file—so you don't have to come back to it. The accumulated time saved can add up to ten hours a month, says Jana Kemp, a Boise, Idaho, "time architect" and the author of No! How One Simple Word Can Transform Your Life.

Don't listen to the news first thing in the morning (30 minutes). Read More>>>

How to Get 7 More Hours into Your Day

I think many women even men can relate to this article. I too, am trying to simplify my life so that I can accomplish things and still find time to smell the roses...
Ilissa

For the overscheduled, under-rested average American female, experts swear there are ways to make more time for yourself. Here are some strategies to try:

Handle things once (saves 15 to 20 minutes). When it comes to e-mail, voice mail, or paperwork, take instant action—i.e., read, answer, delete, file—so you don't have to come back to it. The accumulated time saved can add up to ten hours a month, says Jana Kemp, a Boise, Idaho, "time architect" and the author of No! How One Simple Word Can Transform Your Life.

Don't listen to the news first thing in the morning (30 minutes). Read More>>>

Talk Therapy w/ Ilissa, MS, MFT

Tonight at 7pm What is marital intimacy? on Talk Therapy w/ Ilissa
Listen at www.ksgvradio.com Answering your emails every week!

War Vets and Their Families: Talk Therapy

Listen tonight, September 30th at 7pm at www. ksgvradio.com, Talk Therapy with Ilissa, MFT. Topic: War Vets and their Families

"Talk Therapy with Ilissa" at www.ksgvradio.com begins again

The first season of Talk Therapy with Ilissa begins again on this coming Thursday, September 30th from 7pm-8 at ksgvradio.com. Tune in (internet radio) to listen every Thursday at 7pm. Interesting topics, interviews, emails, and some laughs... you won't want to miss it!
This week's topic is War Veterans and Their Familes...

Watch Ilissa's Video at Youtube...

Watch Ilissa's Video at Youtube: Ilissa Banhazl, MFT http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N3nUcMA6pqA
Learn more about her practice and find out who she really is...

"Click image to enlarge"

Women's Support Group

Visit http://www.ilissabanhazlmft.com for more info . . .

Women’s Support Group

"Women supporting each other in a safe environment."

Facilitated by Ilissa Banhazl, Marriage & Family Psychotherapist

Where: 2220 E. Rte 66 Suite #226, Glendora CA 91740

When: Every Wednesday from 7pm – 8:30pm

Ages: 21 and up

Fee: $45 per session for 8 weeks, PPO Reimbursement

For more information: (626) 335-0903

www.ilissabanhazlmft.com

Only 8 slots Available!

Talk about anything . . .

Women's Support Group in Glendora

Facilitated by Ilissa Banhazl, Marriage and Family Psychotherapist
Wednesday evenings 7-8:30pm for 8 weeks
$45 per meeting, PPO Reinbursement
Please call 626-335-0903 for more information.
Hurry, there are only 8 slots!

"There's nothing like the support of other women especially when you're in a safe place."

You can talk about anything...

Child Obesity Awareness Month

September is Childhood Obesity Awareness Month by Presidential Proclamation
One of the greatest responsibilities we have as a Nation is to safeguard the health and well-being of our children. We now face a national childhood obesity crisis, with nearly one in every three of America's children being overweight or obese. There are concrete steps we can take right away as concerned parents, caregivers, educators, loved ones, and a Nation to ensure that our children are able to live full and active lives. During National Childhood Obesity Awareness Month, I urge all Americans to take action to meet our national goal of solving the problem of childhood obesity within a generation.

The Key to Letting Love In

Keeping your guard up in a relationship is guaranteed to keep the love out, too. Couples therapists Harville Hendrix and Helen LaKelly Hunt share the dazzling revelation that saved their own marriage—and could help anyone's.

When it comes to love relationships, things are often not what they seem," Harville Hendrix and Helen LaKelly Hunt write in their book Receiving Love—and you might say the two of them, marriage therapists married to each other, are their own best object lesson. Seven years ago, although they were writing best-selling self-help books, training therapists, and leading couples workshops throughout the world, their personal union was crumbling. Read More>>>

Women's Support Group

I am starting up another women's support group for women 18 years and older. If you would like more information please call or email Ilissa Banhazl, Marriage and Family Psychotherapist at (626)335-0903 or ilissa@ilissabanhazlmft.com

Group will be held once a week on Wednesday evenings from 7pm-8:30. The fee is $45 per session and group runs for 8 weeks or longer if the group wishes to continue.

Call soon because I’m taking names and there are only 8 spots!

"There's nothing like the support of other women especially when you're in a safe place" You can talk about anything...

Back-to-School Transitions: Tips for Parents

Yes, it's that time of year again, The kids are going back to school. Wishing it was less hectic? Read on to learn new ways to make the transition back to school easier on the whole family.

Ilissa

Getting a new school year off to a good start can influence children’s attitude, confidence, and performance both socially and academically. The transition from August to September can be difficult for both children and parents. Even children who are eager to return to class must adjust to the greater levels of activity, structure, and, for some, pressures associated with school life.

The degree of adjustment depends on the child, but parents can help their children (and the rest of the family) manage the increased pace of life by planning ahead, being realistic, and maintaining a positive attitude. Here are a few suggestions to help ease the transition and promote a successful school experience.

Before School Starts Read More>>>

ADHD: What Parents Should Know

Dealing with ADHD is a challenge for many families. Educating yourself in order to help your child can be your first line of defense.

Ilissa

What is ADHD?

Attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) is the name of a group of behaviors found in many children and adults. People who have ADHD have trouble paying attention in school, at home or at work. They may be much more active and/or impulsive than what is usual for their age. These behaviors contribute to significant problems in relationships, learning and behavior. For this reason, children who have ADHD are sometimes seen as being "difficult" or as having behavior problems.Read More>>>

Talk Therapy With Ilissa, MS, MFT

How to Talk to Your Partner About Your Sex Life!

Special Guest: Rita Holman of Stroller Stride and Luna Mom's Club of Glendora

www.ksgvradio.com Talk Therapy

Friday August 6th at 11am-12pm

Helping to Care for Aging Parents

The Baby Boomer generation is caring for their aging parents. After you read this article, checkout my radio archives at www.ksgvradio.com, Talk Therapy w/Ilissa for February 22:
Counseling for Older Adults
Special guest Deborah Dozal of the La Fetra Senior Center.

Ilissa

Many Baby Boomers are finding that their aging parents are in need of health care assistance. Luckily, there are many options available today to help your parents grow old gracefully, either in their own home or in a facility, and several ways that you can finance the costs of the care. Read More>>>

Talk Therapy w/ Ilissa, MS, MFT

Single After 30?
How to Find the Right Partner!
Girl Talk with Brenda and Jeff
www.ksgvradio.com Listen on Friday July 30th from 11am-12pm

How to Keep the Passion Alive in Your Marriage

Marriage is a curious institution. You can be married to someone for like 65 years now that people are living longer. Very often passion goes underground when children are born into the picture.
Ilissa

Is your marriage not as passionate as it used to be before your kids were born? Do you feel that the chemistry between the two of you is diminishing slowly and steadily? Well, marriage does bring about a lot of responsibility in our lives, and kids just add on heavily to it. With the children taking priority over every other thing, it's hard for the couples to rekindle the romance in their relationship.

In the mad rush of coping with the daily chores and errands, couples tend to forget the very reason that joined them into matrimony. They also forget that life is not meant to be lived like robots. It is a beautiful gift that needs to be cherished in all its varied circumstances. Though it's not that easy to take care of every single thing in the household, a little thought and consideration slipped into your schedule can get the same old joy seeping back into your married life. Read More>>>

Talk Therapy with Ilissa

Talk Therapy with Ilissa started late today, 11:20. It just started.

Talk Therapy With Ilissa, MS, MFT

It's Not Easy Being a Single Parent!
Special Guest: Kathy Benton, Stepping Stones for Women and their Children
www.ksgvradio.com Listen Friday at 11am-12pm

The Impact Celebrities Have on Our Lives

Why are we so fascinated with celebrities these days? Is it a good thing?
Ilissa

People often ask me why I use celebrity examples to illustrate my work. Well, look around you. The truth is that we are obsessed with celebrities. Head to the checkout line at a grocery store and you’ll see all the magazines, each trying to have the most salacious story on the cover to gain your attention so that you’ll spend your hard-earned dollar buying it. For many people, not a day goes by when they don’t sneak a peek at their favorite celebrity gossip website. Sites like TMZ.com and PerezHilton.com are some of the hottest websites online, garnering millions of hits a day.


I use celebrities as examples because they act as good reflections for us. Read More>>>

Talk Therapy w/ Ilissa, MS, MFT

Biggest Mistakes Men Make When Dating! Special Guest: Dan Mc Getrick, MFT and Hypnotherapy.
www.ksgvradio.com Listen Friday 11-12pm

Parenting Styles/Children's Temperaments: The Match

If you have kids then this article is for you. What kind of parent are you? There's actually one that works the best. Read on and see what kind of parenting style you have!

Ilissa

Parents' lives change when a child is born. Right from the start they need to make decisions: bottle or breast feeding; carriage or stroller; nanny or day care, work or stay at home; and the list goes on. As children grow older, the decisions don't stop; they change -- school, meals, allowances, after-school activities, friendships, holidays. Although solutions to these individual daily dilemmas are important, it's the parents'overall style and attitude that count as they influence, teach and socialize their children.

Parenting style—what is it?
As all parents know all too well, parenting is complex, and there are no easy answers. The interaction of many specific actions and attitudes on the part of parents come together to affect a child's development. Parenting style refers to the broad overall pattern of parental actions, rather than to a single act.

Types of parenting style Read More>>>

Talk Therapy With Ilissa, M.S., MFT

Two Couples Talk About Their Relationship
www.ksgvradio.com
Friday July 9th at 11am-12pm

Why It's Okay (Actually, Essential) to Put Yourself First

Many women find it difficult to put themselves first. Think it's selfish? Think again.

Ilissa

I learned the hard way how to put myself first.

Almost 20 years ago, my husband's identical twin brother killed himself. He was addicted to drugs. My husband—also addicted, I soon discovered—began a rapid descent along the same ruinous path, forsaking me and our 1-year-old son for grief's dark embrace. I tried to help my husband, became, in fact, almost sick with trying to help him and take care of our baby and our precarious finances. Read More>>>

TalkTherapy: New Day and Time!

Talk Therapy W/ Ilissa moving to new day and time, Reruns, Fridays at 11-12am Topic: Cougars! and Dr. Nely Vasquez, Psy.D., Counseling Children and Teens www.ksgvradio.com

Coping With Anxiety

Many patients that I see tell me that they are struggling with anxiety. It makes the simplest things more difficult. I tell them that we cannot cure anxiety but we certainly can learn to manage it.

Ilissa

Divorce, layoffs, threat of terrorism -- there's plenty of anxiety around for everyone these days. And very often, the source is something we can't change. How do you know when it's time to get help dealing with your anxieties?

To better understand the underpinnings of anxiety -- and how to better cope -- WebMD turned to two anxiety experts: Jerilyn Ross, MA, LICSW, director of The Ross Center for Anxiety and Related Disorders, Inc., and Linda Andrews, MD, assistant professor of psychiatry and behavioral sciences at Baylor College of Medicine in Houston.

Normal vs. Harmful Anxiety Read More>>>

Body Image and Cosmetic Surgery

Body Image and Cosmetic Surgery
Talk Therapy w/ Ilissa, MS, MFT
Special Guest: Dr. Lance Wyatt, Plastic Surgery
Monday June 21st 1-2pm
Ksgvradio.com
Taking Calls and Emails live!
No topic is off limits!
ON AIR:(626) 852-KSGV (5748)

Building a Loving Father Daughter Relationship

A close father daughter relationship will benefit your daughter in many important ways. It will also give you many loving returns and the assurance that your daughter will live a happy and productive life.

Ilissa

A girl may not look for a man exactly like her father to marry but her relationship with her father definitely has an effect on her future. The relationship a father has with his daughter affects her relationships with men, how she performs in the work place, and her feminine development. The far reaching affects of your relationship with your daughter as her father may or may not be in her best interest. Let's break it down and see just how a father-daughter relationship can affect the daughter's life. Read More>>

Apology to listeners: www.ksgvradio.com

Apologies to those who tuned in to www.ksgvradio.com on Monday June 14th for Talk Therapy with Ilissa. It was a Father's Day Special; The importance of a close father daughter relationship. The station is upgrading its system. We did the show but no one could hear it live! It will be replayed soon and you can always catch it in my archives in a few days. Please check back!
Sorry for any inconvenience!

Next Monday's topic, June 21, 1-2pm will be body image and cosmetic surgery with Dr. Lance Wyatt, plastic surgeon. See you there!

Talk Therapy With Ilissa, M.S., MFT

Monday's topic: Fathers and Daughters
Listen from 1-2pm at
www.ksgvradio.com
Taking calls and emails live!

Talk Therapy With Ilissa, M.S., MFT

Talk Therapy With Ilissa, M.S., MFT

Monday 1-2pm
Taking Calls and Emails Live!
Topics: Monday June 7, 2010
How to Keep The Romance In Your Marriage?
Special guests: Dr. Nely Vasquez and Dr. Noemi Urgiles: Is the Foster Care System Working? How Is It Hurting the Children?

Welcome to my newest follower! If you need to speak with me you can always email or call.

Reminder: Talk Therapy with Ilissa (internet radio)

Listen to TWO COUPLES TALKING ABOUT THEIR RELATIONSHIP this Monday at 1pm on Talk Therapy with Ilissa at www.ksgvradio Listen to couples discuss the same things you discuss with your partner!
It's enlightening and funny!
See you there!

Divorce Mediation

If you are considering a divorce this blog is for you! It is a good follow up to my radio program at www.ksgvradio, Divorce and Mediation. There you can listen to me interview a mediator. This article will be a good resource for any other questions you may have.

Ilissa

Divorce mediation still feels like a new idea in some parts of the country, but it's increasingly well-known and widely accepted. Mediation means different things to different people. In the form I recommend, you and your spouse would sit down in the same room with each other and with a neutral mediator. With the mediator's help, you would work through all the issues you need to resolve so the two of you can get through your divorce.

Although there certainly are several different styles of mediation, there are several things you can depend on no matter what style your mediator uses. Mediation is flexible and confidential. It gives you and your spouse a way to settle the conflict between you, which is natural and inevitable, in a way that helps you to work together as parents after your divorce.

The mediator remains neutral between the husband and the wife. That means the mediator can't give advice to either party, and also can't act as a lawyer for either party.

What the mediator can do... Read More

Listen Live or Listen to Past Programs (internet radio)

Catch Talk Therapy with Ilissa
Mondays at 1pm
www.ksgvradio.com (Internet Radio)
Taking calls and emails live!
Topic: Divorce and Mediatiom

Radio Internet Program: Talk Therapy With ilissa

Tune in for Talk Therapy with Ilissa
www.ksgvradio.com
Every Monday from 1-2pm
Listen to archived shows anytime...

Taking Calls and Emails Live!
Call us on the air at 626) 852-KSGV (5748)
No Topic is off Limits!

Next Week's Topic:
Divorce and Mediation
Special Guest: Sheila Gutierrez, MFT
You won't want to miss it!

Ilissa's Internet radio program Mondays 1-2pm

Tune in! You won't want to miss Talk Therapy with Ilissa at www.ksgvradio.com!
Marriage and Family Therapist

Internet Radio!

Lots of interesting topics and guests; plus lots of laughs!
Relationships, Anxiety, Depression, Body Image, Grief and Loss, Parenting

No Topic is Off Limits!
Every Monday from 1-2pm or you can listen to archived shows at anytime!

Call in live and ask a question or make a comment. (626) 852-KSGV (5748)

Doesn’t matter what we’re talking about, interrupt us!

Next week Topic: Domestic Violence with a special guest from the House of Ruth. Tune in for tips on how to recognize the cycle of violence and how to have a safety plan in place!
See you there!
Ilissa

10 Simple Tricks for Eating Less

Most people are trying to eat healthy. Good nutrition and lots of rest and exercise is a natural mood elevator and makes you feel great! These tips might help you to get started.

Ilissa

You already know that you shouldn’t overeat, but do you know how to easily stop from crossing the overindulgence threshold? Here are 10 simple ways to turn common-sense rules you already know into daily food-moderation tricks. Try them on a daily basis and over time your efforts will add up to a healthier, more balanced lifestyle—not to mention a smaller waistline!

1. Drink first, then eat.
Are you drinking eight glasses of water each day? You should be for proper hydration—and making sure your body isn’t confusing thirst for hunger. Before you reach for food to fill up an empty stomach, drink a glass of water and wait 15 minutes. This practice can curb the amount of food you consume. Read More>>>

First Date Questions

First date questions can help you find out whether you want to go on a second date with someone. First impressions are everything, so you want to make sure you ask the right questions in the right way. Read on to find out some of the best questions to ask on a first date.

Communicating with Your Date: First Date Questions
Keep in mind that the person you are going out with is probably just as nervous as you are. You want to try your best not to make a fool of yourself, but if you stutter or say the wrong thing, don't worry; chances are the person is too self-conscious about him or herself to notice.

When asking first date questions, be sure to ask him or her while in a discussion. You don't want to start firing off questions and making your date feel uncomfortable. Pay attention to how the person is handling the questions, if you sense your date doesn't like the question you asked, do not push the issue.

Important Questions to Ask Your Date Read More>>>

Why Dating During Divorce Is Unwise

I always suggest that during and after a divorce a person focuses on themselves and of course their children, if there are any. This is the time to practice self-care and grieve your losses. It's also a time to make your children feel safe in all the chaos. I think it's very important to look back at the relationship and work towards changes you'd like to make in yourself before you jump into another relationship.
Please read on and learn other important reasons to hold off on dating until your divorce is final.

Ilissa

If you're thinking about dating during divorce ...DON'T! You may think that you are free to start a new relationship once the decision is made to separate or divorce. But it is wise to hold off on the dating scene until after your divorce is finalized for a number of strategic, legal, and emotional reasons.

Strategic reasons not to date before divorce

Emotions are raw during a divorce. When you start seeing someone else, it is like rubbing salt into your husband's wounds. Believe me, he will likely react to the fact that you are dating by making your life hell during the divorce process. He may seek revenge to compensate for the anger, hurt, and embarrassment that he feels you have caused him.

Even if your husband has... Read More>>>

Coping with a Breakup or Divorce

Relationships end and it's hard, especially if you're not the one who wanted it. Even if the relationship wasn't healthy, it's hard to forget about the good times. In our minds we think the person is who we want them to be and not who they truly are. The end of a relationship is like any other loss. You need to take time to grieve and then to focus on building yourself up and beginning a new journey. Read on to learn how!

Ilissa

Moving on after a Relationship ends...

It’s never easy when a marriage or other significant relationship ends. Whatever the reason for the split – and whether or not you wanted it – the breakup of a long-term, committed relationship can turn your whole world upside down and trigger all sorts of painful and unsettling feelings. But there are things you can do to get through this difficult time. Even in the midst of the sadness and stress of a divorce or breakup, you have an opportunity to learn from the experience and grow into a stronger, wiser person.


Healing After a Divorce or Breakup

Why do breakups hurt so much, even when the relationship is no longer good? Read More>>>

Top 15 Dating Mistakes Guys Make

Hi fellas! Read this article and tell me if you see parts of yourself. Could that be partly why you're still single? You tell me...

Ilissa

Okay fellas, the ladies have to hand it to you-- you do a lot of things to make our hearts swoon. You surprise us by taking the initiative to invite us out to dinner-- where we will undoubtedly enjoy a romantic meal by candlelight, talk for hours, spoon feed each other creme brulee-- wait a minute, are those your friends from college about to sit with us? And you wonder why we're mad later. Needless to say, sometimes guys trip up their own game with the ladies without even realizing it. Here's a list of the most common dating mistakes guys make-- so you can keep your game in check.

1. Overly Possessive

Stop. Just, stop. If the girl is dating you, she obviously wants to be with you doofus-- there's no need to call her every hour, resort to extreme PDA to show the world she's yours, or be on her back all the time about her guy friends. It's not sweet, it's stifling, and nobody wants to date a guy like that. Except that chick from Twilight-- we guess there are a few here and there that are into that whole creepily possessive, smothering, super jealous deal. Read More>>>

Biggest Dating Mistakes Women Make

I see tons and tons of mistakes that women make, but I have a few specific ones that seem to be common with our gender.
By: B. Hamrick

1. Being Clingy

I don’t care if you are a dead ringer for Kristy Brinkley and have an outstanding personality; you aren’t getting anywhere with a guy if you are clingy. The fascinating thing about this is most women don’t even realize they are clingy. There are many ways to be clingy, but I’ve listed the most common below:

Telephone. Your guy should be calling you at least twice as many times as you call him. If he is supposed to call you at 5 don’t pick up the phone at 5:02 when you haven’t heard from him. If this is completely out of character for him and you are afraid something may be wrong, you can call him in an hour. This rule is especially important in the beginning of a relationship. Let him be the one to call you and make plans. Don’t call him everyday, and always have a good reason to call him (don’t try to make one up- you will sound so very lame). Also be sure to hang up with him before the convo goes stale. Oh, and when he calls you let it go to voicemail once in a while!Read More>>>

First-date Safety Tips for Women

This is great advice for anyone trying internet dating. Actually, no matter how you meet someone this article has smart tips for dating safely.

Ilissa

Online dating can open up the world for many of us that do not know where to meet the right person. For the shy person, online dating makes it much easier to meet new people without having to get up the courage to walk up and speak to someone in person. Although online dating can spark a truly wonderful relationship, there are steps women should take to ensure that the first date goes safely.

Bring a charged cell phone
Bring your cell phone with you and make sure that it is fully charged. Keep your cell phone on at all times. Your cell phone will be invaluable if you are in need of emergency help.

Let a close friend or family member know where you are going
It is always safe to let someone know where you will be for the evening and when you will be returning home. Have this friend check up on you during the date to make sure you are alright. Have a code word or code phrase ready that only the two of you know. If things are not safe, use the code word or phrase. This will let your friend or family member know that you need help and do not feel safe trying to leave.
Read More>>>

Single and Lonely

Being single has its benefits. You get to do what you want when you want. You get to focus on your own growth and learn what makes you happy. But sometimes being single can be lonely. Loneliness is a normal part of the human condition. Once in a while loneliness is not such a bad thing.

Ilissa


If you find yourself laying in bed at night alone and feeling lonely and wishing that there was someone next to you, take comfort in the fact that most, if not all, single people feel that way at some time or another. It is not at all uncommon, but it can be a problem when it causes you to settle for the first man or woman that comes along in an effort to avoid feeling lonely.

If loneliness avoidance is something that has motivated you to get into relationships in the past, it is important to recognize that this is absolutely not a healthy reason for being in relationship. If you choose to wait for Mr. or Ms. Right to come along instead, you will be getting into a relationship with the right person for the right reasons and then you won't have to feel lonely ever again. You will be with that person for a lifetime. If you don't wait and get into the first relationship that comes along, chances are it will not work out and you will continue to experience periods of loneliness until you learn this important lesson.

Being single does not actually have to mean feeling lonely. Read More>>>

Perfect First-Date Ideas

Thinking about asking someone out on a date? Unsure where to go and what to do? This article gives you lots of great ideas and still keeps safety in mind. Have a good time on your date and please tell us how it went!

Ilissa

She's agreed to a first date. Where should you go? What should you do?

Of course, the objective of a first date is to see if there will be a second. Allow time for that, but not too much time, in case the date's a bust. And for now, focus on the present. Here are some great ideas for first-date outings:

1. Some prefer an activity. Hitting golf balls, playing miniature golf, or strolling around a large shopping mall, with its variety of activities -- restaurants, drop-in eateries, places to sit and talk or to listen to live music, or even window shopping -- will fill the time.

2. Group events will show how your date interacts with others. Picnics rank high; they're casual. If the date gets boring, go kick a soccer ball.

3. Local events such as street fairs, festivals, and concerts-in-the-park are often free and will keep you busy. County fairs teem with activities. Guys, be aware -- she may ask you to swing the hammer and ring the bell. Added plus: corn dogs and cotton candy. Read more>>>

Find the Partner You Want: Make a list and check it twice

Tired of going solo? Looking for a lover who is also your best friend? Maybe you need to figure out exactly what it is you actually want in a mate. Don't expect to get all the items on your list checked off by one human person! Be flexible and prioritize. Which items on your list are non-negotiable?

Read on to learn more...

Ilissa

Wouldn't it be nice to be able to choose what you want in a partner and get it, like ordering food in a restaurant? "I'll take one caring person who is ready to have a long-term relationship and wants to cherish me. And can I have a side of a large bank account, please, and I'll finish with a sports fan that’s athletic. Hmm, what do I want to drink? How about a pint of likes to travel. Thanks, and oh, I'm kind of in a hurry so can you ask the chef to put in my order ASAP?"

When you eat out, you read the menu, get clear about what you want, then order it. Magically, it comes to you. What if you could do the same when it comes to choosing a good partner for yourself? Of course you can't just choose a partner from a menu, yet you do have a lot more choice than you may realize. You are making choices all the time, either actively or passively. So if you've been making choices all along, why don't you already have what you want in a partner? Perhaps it's because, like many of us, you haven't realized that you need to clarify what you want before you can choose well for yourself. When you order food from a menu, you know that you need to specify what kind of salad dressing you want or how rare you'd like your steak. Otherwise, you'll have to take what the kitchen sends you. It's the same with relationships. When you get clear about what you desire, you open the way for it to come to you. When it comes to you, you will be able to recognize it and receive it.

Finding the partner who will make you happy is one of the most important things in life. Read More>>>

Suddenly Single: What It's Like To Go It Alone

Breaking up and being single again in your 30’s. How’s that sound to you scary, exciting, or depressing? What if that’s just the way it is for now, can you build a life for yourself that makes you happy? This article gives you a interesting view of being single in your thirties.

Ilissa

Breaking up in your 30s is very different to being free at 23. Lollie Barr explores how more and more "nearly-weds" are coping with a world that pins everything on pairing up.

At the age of 32, Marisa Knowles, a medical sales representative, felt her life was progressing just as she'd always planned. For three years, she had enjoyed a happy, loving relationship with her partner, 35-year-old Matthew Henry, even if he had seemed a little distant lately. Once they had saved enough for a deposit, they'd buy a house, get married and settle into the cozy domesticity she envied in so many of their friends. Read More>>>

The Prescription for Depression? "Oops, Never Mind!"

What do you think might help your depression; medication, psychotherapy, both? You decide.

If you would like to read more about the different kinds of anxiety disorders as well as the two types of depression please visit my website at www.ilissabanhazlmft.com. I always say that education is the first step to feeling better.

Monday March 1st, 1pm at www.ksgvradio.com, I will be discussing counseling for anxiety, depression and other mood disorders. My guest, Dietician, Jeri Evans will speak about the relationship between nutrition, anxiety, and depression.

Please read on...


Ilissa


Most of us have been depressed at one time during our lives, or know someone who is seriously depressed. When Prozac burst on the scene 20 years ago, it seemed that a major step had been achieved. More people responded well to the drug and fine-tuning it was easier than with past antidepressants.

Since then, taking antidepressants has become as normal as taking aspirin for a headache. Yet the ebullience of the Prozac generation was steadily undercut. Many patients didn't respond to the point that it is now conceded that more than half of depressed people may not benefit from any standard antidepressant. Along with alarming statistics about violence and suicide associated with these drugs, the treatment of depression has become increasingly shaky.

Now a major study has concluded that the entire approach of Prozac and related drugs has been wrong from the start. That's a very big "oops" on the part of pharmaceutical companies and the research they use as justification for their billion-dollar drugs. Read More>>>

Geriatric psychology, the psychology of older people.

I don't need counseling!! That's what older people tell me. Actually you might. Counseling for older adults has proven to be very effective. If you are struggling, read this article. If you have an older parent who seems like they might benefit from counseling; read and share this article with them. For more information on counseling older adults, tune in next Monday at 1pm to www.ksgvradio.com, Talk Therapy. I will be speaking about counseling for Older Adults and Debbie Dozal from the Glendora Senior Center will be speaking on what the senior program offers older adults. Please read on...

Ilissa

This science is being studied at the doctoral level by people who have no experience being old. Once they have their piece of paper, they can teach others how to teach old people how to be old. Young people tend to be more enthusiastic about the whole concept of successful aging and anti-aging than their grandparents are. That's why old people are often crabby.

At 63, I'm on the threshold of "young" old age. I have friends in "middle" old age, and others who are "old" old. I have a mother who finds old age very inconvenient and resents what she perceives as the admonitions of the young to suck it up and try harder.

What does old age mean in practical terms, and why do we need trained professionals to help us navigate this passage of life? Read More>>>

Is Your Marriage Good Enough? 10 Questions to Ask

Yup, nothing's perfect. Sucks huh? Maybe not....
Good enough marriage, good enough mother/father. We do the best we can. Are our expectations unrealistic? If you made a list of pros and cons, would your marriage/relationship be good enough? Good enough is not about settling, it's about realistic expectations. Read on, you may find your relationship is pretty darn good after all.

Ilissa

Are you expecting too much? Are you just "settling"? Ginger Tobias asks ten pointed questions about the state of your union.

You don't need NFL training to hurl a pizza across a New York City apartment. I found this out as I ducked to avoid my husband's dinner (he didn't fling it at me, he claims). "They folded the slices," he bellowed. "Ruined." I bit my tongue hard—but not, unfortunately, before "Did you lose your nappies?" slipped out (nappies being what they call diapers in England, which is where he's from and where, at this point, I was wishing he had stayed). Big mistake. He went off like a car alarm, the honk-honk-beeeep-honk of his tirade so familiar, I'd long since learned to tune it out by doing guided imagery: Single Me with full custody of remote control. Single Me released from his rancid pessimism. Single Me without tomato and extra cheese dripping down my newly painted white (of course) wall. Read More>>>

For Veterans Returning From War and Their Families

I did my Talk Therapy radio program last Monday on war veterans returning from combat. You may want to catch it at www.ksgvradio.com. Although most of us appreciate the bravery of our soldiers and their efforts to protect us, I wonder how many of us really know and understand what a soldier deals with daily in combat and how difficult the transition back to civilian life can be. If you are a returning vet or a loved one of a vet; you should read this article!
Ilissa

The War Experience

Although U.S. military personnel receive extensive pre-combat training, war-zone experiences tax soldiers physically and emotionally in ways for which no training program can adequately prepare them. The horrors of war to which soldiers are exposed include:

•Reality-based fear of their own imminent death.
•Having to kill.
•Experiencing the sight, sound, and smell of dead or dying people (e.g., friends, civilians, enemy soldiers) with no opportunity to adequately grieve.
•Handling dead bodies and body parts.
•Observing devastated homes and communities and homeless refugees.
Even soldiers who have not been exposed to such traumatic experiences have endured daily, lower-magnitude events and circumstances which commonly exacerbate stress in war zones. Among these are: Read More>>>

Increasing Intimacy in Marriage

Many of the couples I see say that they feel a lack of intimacy in their relationship. How many of us truly know what intimacy is or how to create it? How many of us have difficulty with intimacy because of our own issues? Read the article below and then see if you can build more intimacy in your relationship with your partner.
Ilissa

What Is Marital Intimacy?

Intimacy is the closeness of your relationship with your spouse -- emotionally, spiritually, intellectually, sexually, and in many other ways. Intimacy is not an end goal but rather a journey that lasts throughout your marriage. Marriage and family researchers Schaefer and Olson (1981) describe attaining intimacy as "a process that occurs over time and is never completed or fully accomplished" (p. 50). As you both grow and develop, each of you changes. If you neglect intimacy in your marriage, you will grow apart. The time to work on intimacy is now.

Benefits of Intimacy in Marriage
Studies show that marriage offers many benefits. According to Olson and Olson (2000), "Married people tend to be healthier, live longer, have more wealth and economic assets, and have more satisfying sexual relationships than single or cohabiting individuals. In addition, children generally do better emotionally and academically when they are raised in two-parent families" (p. 3). Read More>>>

Death of a Parent

Sometimes when we lose a spouse we are so wrapped up in our own grief that we forget about the children's needs. Some adult needs to focus on the effects on the children and help them to process their grief and fears. The article below will explain the experience of a child who loses a parent.
Ilissa

The death of a parent is one of the most devastating and challenging things that can happen to you as a young adult, regardless of your relationship with your parent or whether you live together. Facing death can be sad and frightening to anyone, but as a young adult, you are coping with physical and mental changes and this event can complicate an already difficult situation. Through all the pain, grief and confusion, carry the knowledge that if you can survive this, you can survive anything.

When a parent or (grandparent) dies, it’s often hard to know what the youngest members of the family are going through. Young children--your brothers or sisters--may seem indifferent or oblivious, but they are likely going through intense and confusing emotions for which they need support. Read More>>>

How To Talk to Your Partner About Your Sexual Issues or Concerns

It's not always easy to have a good mutually satisfying sexual relationship with your partner. It can be even harder to discuss. Don't be shy! How will your partner know what you need if you don't tell them? We all have differing beliefs regarding sex and levels of comfort. There is no right or wrong in sex as long as both partners are comfortable and safe. This is something that the two of you can create togeher and it all starts with a conversation...
Ilissa

Whether we are in a brand new relationship or have been married for forty years, when it comes to talking with our partners about sex, panic can often set in.
When we imagine the potential for rejection and drama, taking a risk like that with someone we love can often feel too great. This is probably the reason so few of us do try to share the really difficult stuff of our sexual lives. Here are ideas on raising those hard-to-raise issues.

Difficulty: Hard
Time Required: Allow as much time as possible.
Here's How: Read More>>>

Having Trouble Falling Asleep?

Many of my clients tell me that they can not fall asleep at night. Dr. Carol Ash has written an article that shares a variety of suggestions for getting to sleep. Try them and let me know if it helps.
Ilissa

According to researchers from Carnegie Mellon University in Pittsburgh, those who sleep less than seven hours a night are nearly three times more likely to develop a cold than those who get eight or more hours of shuteye.

“This study further supports just how important a consistent sleep schedule is to our health,” says Dr Carol Ash, a leading sleep expert and medical director of the Sleep for Life center in Hillsborough, NJ. Here’s what else Dr Ash had to say.

Sheknows.com (SK): What does this study say about the importance of sleep?

Carol Ash (CA): It shows what those of us in the sleep field have been trying to stress for years: Less sleep impairs the immune system and has a direct physiological impact. If you don’t get the right amount of sleep, you increase your risk of not only colds, but hypertension, strokes, heart attacks, and a slew of emotional issues as well.

SK: And how much is the “right” amount of sleep? Read More>>>