Why do men fear disagreeing with their wives or partners? I’m sorry; I know the word fear is not a favorite term for men to identify with. But, I do see it over and over again in my office. Men need to stop trying to figure out what they think their partner wants them to say and instead say what they really think.
First off to men's credit, women need to speak calmly and respectfully to their husbands/partners when they disagree with them. However, men need to tolerate some emotion.
Guys don't shut down! Tell your truth in a calm respectful way and then wait to see if you get a respectful response back. If not, your done, respectfully so. Be gentle. Your partner is acting out of emotion right now. No need for yelling. Ask for a time-out. When you try again start with something like, “That didn’t go very well did it?” Humor at no one’s expense is always a good icebreaker.
Simply, men and women speak your truth in a calm and effective manner. Calm yourselves before you speak. This new style of communicating will encourage other positive interactions.
Ilissa Banhazl, MFT www.ilissabanhazlmft.com
Comments are welcome: "Let me know if you try this and please tell me if something changes."
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